


Pain and loss

by AnnaStormRogers



Category: Akatsuki no Yona | Yona of the Dawn
Genre: Character Death, Family Feels, Gen, Yoon needs a hug
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-12-13
Updated: 2017-12-15
Packaged: 2019-02-14 07:58:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,809
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13003308
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AnnaStormRogers/pseuds/AnnaStormRogers
Summary: Getting past a loss is never easy. But some people in your life just might make it a bit more bearable. Yoon-centric.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Don't kill me for this! I'm sorry! Please give this a chance though.

The sky was dark and the weather cold enough to chill to the bone. Even so, no one in the village felt the cold that day. Fiery embers floated up towards the sky making a pretty picture. They looked beautiful, yes, but they spelled death to the innocent villagers. A young boy of about 15 walked through the village. His eyes, glazed over in shock, darted between the burning buildings. The flames reflected in his beautiful expressive eyes. The roof of a nearby house caved in with a resounding crash, surprisingly gaining no reaction from the boy. The sounds of a fight; dying screams, the clash of metal and shouts drifted through the air as he walked away from the chaos of battle. His feet carried him forward till he reached the edge of the village.

The last house burned too, but had clearly caught fire more recently than the rest and that seemed to snap the boy out of his stunned trance. There's hope! His eyes lost their glazed look in an instant and his muscles tensed before he shot into the house, yelling for his beloved guardian. He found him in the back room, the blond man slumped against a wall.

The young teen wasn't very strong, but with the adrenaline coursing through his veins, he managed to drag the man to safety and prop him up against a tree. Once outside, he began to frantically check over the man, ignoring his own minor burns and eyes, watering from the smoke. Smoke, not tears, not tears, he's alright, no tears. His hands shook and his lower lip quivered and he fought to get the trembling under control. Frantically, he called for his older friends, although they were too far to hear him, feeling completely helpless for a moment. The logical part of his brain knew they wouldn't come though he longed for their strong, comforting presence. Not because they didn't care, no, they cared too much sometimes, up to a fault really. No, they were busy fighting off the very mercenaries that had burnt his home village to the ground.

In some distant corner of his mind, he was aware that they would not be pleased with him for putting himself in danger. He had slipped away despite being told sternly to stay hidden till the fight was over. A terrible feeling had overcome him as he sat behind the thick brushes of his hiding place when he saw the smoke drifting up to the sky and so he had disobeyed the well-meaning order. Still, nothing had prepared him for the horror of watching his village burn without a single living soul in sight.

Everything he saw now was like seeing it in a dream, a nightmare. In his shocked daze, none of it seemed real in the slightest. However, his brilliant mind and practiced hands were not hindered as they frantically tried to come up with remedies and wrapped up the worst of the injuries his guardian has suffered. He was grimly reminded of one of his friends, horribly burned beyond recognition and gasping for breath while he, for all his knowledge, could do nothing but cry as he watched the suffering. He had cried then out of helplessness, empathy, sorrow and love and he could feel the tears welling up now too, burning at the back of his eyes. This time, the burns weren't as bad but they were bad enough for someone who wasn't indestructible like said friend. And indestructible his guardian was not. He can barely take a step without stumbling, the boy thought furiously, stubbornly forcing the tears back. I can't lose him ! But his mind coldly and logically told him the inevitable outcome.There's nothing to be done. You know that. Hopeless. Hopeless. Another part of his mind, at odds with this seemingly unfeeling side screamed furiously in denial. No! It's not that bad! There's hope... Don't cry. There's hope... Don't... A larger, gentle hand caught his thin wrist at that moment, snapping him out of his jumbled, terrified thoughts.

A startled flinch.

Then, the soft whisper of a much loved name.

Tearful admonishments next.

The grip tightened, the weak desperation of a man who knew he did not have nearly enough time to do everything he needed to do in this lifetime.

A weak, callused, soot covered hand was placed ever so gently on the boy's soft cheek, the other coming up to stroke his fluffy hair.

No words were spoken as silent goodbyes took place. A tear slipped out of the teenager's wide blue eyes and was gently brushed away.

The boy was tugged forward and he finally moved, letting himself be pulled close to the man, his head tucked into the crook of his guardian's neck while tears slipped down both their faces. The hand stroked his hair again and the man pushed the boy back gently to press their foreheads together affectionately. So much conveyed with not a word spoken.

I'm so sorry.

Please don't go...

I don't want to leave you yet.

I don't want you to die!

Don't cry, it'll be okay.

Please...

I'm so sorry for leaving you.

No... don't go...

I'm here right now.

Don't leave me...

You'll be alright.

I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.

I love you.

I'll always love you.

Stay strong. Don't lose hope.

I'm sorry...

I'll always be with you.

I love you.

And then...

Silence. Soul crushing silence that swallowed him up. It was unlike the silence before.

This time... no silent conversation took place.

____________________________

A child sat at the edge of a village, slumped against the man who loved him so freely, so completely. And a child he was, feeling as if he had lost everything, feeling all alone in his now colourless world. Emotions warred inside of him and finally... he felt something inside of him break.

The tears stopped, drying up like a river in a famine.

Numbness took over, all emotion falling away from the pale face.

The finishing sounds of battle went unnoticed, as did the cooling of the body he lay against.

The approaching footsteps went unheard, the owners full of malice and cruelty, their conscience long dead.

Swords raised with the intent to hurt, to kill and still there was no reaction from their intended victim.

The flashing of claws, flying silver hair, screams and silence once again.

He didn't see the expression of horror, anger, sorrow and concern flit across his rescuer's face but he did feel strong, gentle hands slip carefully around him and tug him away from the corpse he still held on to.

Distantly, he wanted to scream and fight the hold but just could not summon enough energy to do so. He felt paralyzed as he was pulled away from the body and towards a warm chest, strong arms holding him securely.

His eyes focused for a moment and looking down, he vaguely noticed that the arm wrapped protectively around his shoulders and side was covered in snow white scales, a few specks of red marring the pureness of the colour. Lethal looking claws were at the end of the long digits but the hands cradled him so carefully he knew that they would never hurt him.

Kija, his muddled brain supplied.

His head rested against warm and solid flesh and the soft, white fabric confirmed the identity of the person who held him. A human hand slipped under his chin, raising his head up to look into worried sapphire blue eyes, clouded with worry, set in a handsome face twisted with concern. The man was saying something that seemed to reach him through water. He blinked several times and then gasped, gripping the hand that was now placed on his chest, finally hearing the words directed at him.

"Breathe Yoon. It's alright. Just breathe."

"Kija...", he choked out in a hoarse, strangled voice.

"I'm here.", the quiet voice said soothingly.

Yoon let out a sigh, despair evident in the sound and the grip around his shoulders tightened slightly. He surprised both himself and his companion when he brought up one arm to wrap around Kija's neck while his other hand fisted itself in the fabric of the once pristine white robes. There was silence for a short time before the stillness was broken.

"We should go. The others must be looking for us.", the still quiet voice above Yoon said.

A soft hum of agreement and a tiny nod was all the reply he got but the younger made no move to get up and walk back to meet their other companions. Kija looked down sadly at the strawberry blond head lying against his shoulder and sighed, rubbing the boy's back gently.

"Come on.", he said, "Let's get you up."

He pulled back slightly but never lost contact with the smaller boy, knowing the touch was keeping him from getting lost in the recesses of his mind. He stood up, pulling the distraught teen up with him as carefully as possible. The 15 year old's legs trembled and buckled, and would have sent him sprawling to the ground if not for the supporting arms still holding him.

The white dragon warrior hesitated for only a moment before scooping him up into his arms, holding him securely against his chest. Yoon didn't protest as he usually would, instead wrapping his arms around Kija's neck and holding on tightly. He leaned tiredly against the strong chest, suddenly feeling exhausted. He was vaguely aware that they were moving swiftly through the still burning village and that they had met up with the others at some point. He felt gentle, caring hands all over him, checking him over for injuries, comfortingly running through his hair, gripping his hand and stroking his back, soft voices speaking in concerned, soothing tones. Hands were gently pushing him down into a lying position and he felt himself desperately tightening his hold on the hand holding his when he felt the owner about to pull away. The hand, calloused with fighting, stilled before returning the gesture with a comforting squeeze and didn't pull away, causing the youngster to relax. The last thing he was aware of was of a soft, warm blanket being tucked around him as he drifted off into darkness.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Getting past a loss is never easy. But some people in your life just might make it a bit more bearable. Yoon-centric.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a bit melodramatic but considering the circumstances I think it's alright. I did try to keep everyone in character. I don't know how well I succeeded but I hope it's not too bad.

Shin-ah wasn't a very talkative person in general. But he was an observant one. Anyone who knew him could attest to that. Maybe it had something to do with his dragon powers or maybe it was just in his nature to observe things closely. He didn't know. But at this moment he didn't really care as he noticed from the corner of his eye, Yoon darting away from the hiding place they had pushed him into and running towards the village. That struck him as odd. Yoon was usually a very sensible, cautious young teenager who didn't disobey direct orders from his older companions during battle unless there was a very good reason to do so. The boy knew that his friends knew better in these cases and so he always set aside his usually bossy demeanour during those times. This just wasn't normal. Something was very wrong. Then, with a jolt, Shin-ah remembered that this was Yoon's home village. And it was burning. Ik-soo, Shin-ah remembered. The priest was in danger.

No wonder Yoon wasn't thinking as clearly as he usually would. He would've gone after the younger boy if he wasn't fighting off four mercenaries all at once. Normally, this wouldn't be a problem for him but he was distracted now. He looked at his other companions. Jae-ha, Hak and Kija were easily cutting through the ranks of men coming at them while Yona was expertly picking men off one by one. She had become a lot stronger since he had first met her, he thought absently. Zeno was near her, ready to defend her from any enemies that dared come their way.

It seemed that none of them had noticed their youngest member's disappearance. A man fell with a scream barely a few feet away from him, snapping him out of his thoughts and Shin-ah turned, looking in surprise at the person who probably saved him from what would have been a very painful sword injury. Kija stood there, looking confused and concerned.

"Shin-ah! Pay attention! What's gotten into you?"

Before the younger of the two could reply, they both had to turn around to take out two men who thought they could sneak up on them. The two boys (men?) ended up standing back to back, covering each other.

"Yoon.", Shin-ah answered quietly to the previous question, worry colouring his tone.

"He's safe, isn't he? He'll wait till it's clear. He always does.", Kija said, not really concerned.

"Ik-soo. I saw Yoon run off."

"Damn. I nearly forgot. "

"Go. I'll cover you.", Shin-ah said, determined to ensure Kija brought Yoon back safely.

A nod was all the answer he got before Kija rushed towards the village. Jae-ha and Hak noticed, both shooting questioning looks towards Shin-ah, Hak shouting over the din, "Where's he going?"

This caught the attention of both Zeno and Yona. "Yoon.", was all Shin-ah said as he pushed back two more men who were wildly swinging their weapons.

He could feel, rather than see the concerned looks on four faces. The fight intensified, the Happy Hungry Bunch more determined now to finish the battle faster.

About fifteen minutes later, the only ones left standing were three dragon warriors, an ex-general and a red-haired princess. They all turned towards the blue-haired boy now, questions ready to spill out but before they could say a word, they heard quick footsteps moving towards them. The weapons re-emerged, defensive stances coming instinctively. They only relaxed then they sensed Kija's familiar presence and sure enough, he emerged from between the trees.

The relief quickly faded though, when they saw the small figure curled up in his arms. Kija shot them all a look that clearly said, 'not now... don't ask'. An unspoken agreement passed through the group and they moved in the opposite direction as the village. After about half an hour of brisk walking, they stopped, deciding to set up camp for the night. They were worried now. Yoon never did appreciate being babied by the others but he hadn't moved from Kija's hold, nor had he scolded anyone for their injuries and ripped clothes that he'd have to fix later. He just sat, almost lifelessly in Kija's arms, red-rimmed eyes staring at something they couldn't see. It was unsettling to say the least. They didn't like seeing him this way.

In the back of their minds, they all had the awful feeling that they knew what had happened to reduce their energetic, endearingly bossy pseudo little brother to this state but they fervently hoped they were wrong. Kija's lips were set in a firm line, barely suppressed anger thrumming in his veins. He had kneeled on the ground, gently setting Yoon down close to the fire they had built. Losing some of the support from the older boy, Yoon swayed slightly, blinking as he roused slightly from his daze. Two pairs of hands reached out to steady him and it was then that Kija noticed that the rest of the party had crouched down next to them, not close enough to crowd but just enough to be reassuring. Hak was kneeling across him, one hand holding the boy's arm and the other gripping his shoulder, as if to ground him. Yona leaned over, placing her hand tenderly on Yoon's tear-stained, sooty face. He didn't respond, looking blankly at her.

"Is he hurt?", Hak asked, even as his hands ran over the younger boy's torso and limbs, probing carefully for injuries.

"His hands. It's not that bad, but he burnt them. ", he answered. Hak nodded, already noticing the burns. Yona was still stroking Yoon's face, her hand moving up to his hair. Kija shifted slightly, his feet falling asleep, but unwilling to jostle the young boy. Hak held out his arms wordlessly and Kija nodded, passing him over into the other's arms. The ex-general took the boy's weight, leaning him against his chest before looking at the princess.

"It's alright, princess. He'll be okay."

"I'm sure he will Hak.", she smiled, not realising how Hak's heart fluttered at the gesture before leaning over and pressing her lips against Yoon's forehead.

"I'll be right back Yoon. Hak, I'm going to fetch some more firewood. You guys can take care of his burns, right?", she asked, getting up and dusting off her dress. The men nodded, Jae-ha already digging through Yoon's medicine bag, pulling out salves and bandages. Kija volunteered to go with her and the two soon disappeared into the forest.

"Aren't you gonna tease me about how oblivious she is, kid?", Hak asked, lightly shaking the boy, hoping for a response. As expected, he didn't get one. He sighed, closing his eyes for a brief moment. When he opened them, Jae-ha and Shin-ah were sitting across him.

Jae-ha looked uncharacteristically sombre as he raised the damp washcloth in his hand to Yoon's face, gently wiping away the traces of tears, soot and dirt. Dipping it into the bowl of water Shin-ah had set next to him, he wrung it out before picking up the boy's hands and gently cleaning the minor burns there. Zeno handed the salve to him and he rubbed it carefully over the boy's palms and fingers, wrapping them carefully. He'd probably yell at me for doing it wrong if he was in the proper state of mind right now, he thought fondly.

Just as he was about to set the hand down, the smaller fingers curled slightly around his before going slack. It was a pleasant surprise and a small but genuine smile touched Jae-ha's lips. He lightly set the hand down, unknowingly causing a barely aware Yoon to immediately miss the grip, burying his hand affectionately in the dishevelled head of hair tucked against Hak's neck.

Shin-ah looked around and noticed that Zeno was busy setting out Yoon's bedroll and pulling out a few blankets from their travel packs. He didn't really know what to do. He wasn't one to comfort people. Sure, he had comforted Yona before, but that was very different. He hesitated before slowly reaching out to delicately take Yoon's bandaged hand in his. He just held the hand for a while, mindful of the burns and then began to loosen the hold when to his immense surprise, the fingers curled around his tight enough that he got the message, please don't let go. He looked back at Yoon but the boy wasn't looking at him. He gripped the hand gently enough not to hurt but still reassuring, silently promising not to let go until the boy was ready.

By this time, Zeno had joined them, looking at the child huddled against Hak worriedly.

"Lad? Talk to us please. What did you need?", he said, not really expecting a response.

"I think he's still in shock.", Jae-ha said quietly, his fingers still running slowly through Yoon's hair.

Zeno nodded, touching the boy's back and rubbing it soothingly. No one moved, simply sitting there with Yoon in the centre of their huddle. Yoon's eyes began to droop and soon, his soft, even breaths were the only sound in the clearing. A slight sound caused the conscious members of the group to immediately perk up, at full alert without disturbing the sleeping boy. They looked in the direction of the noise and saw Kija and Yona walking back towards them. No one commented on the lack of firewood. The princess's eyes were tellingly red with tear tracks running down her face. Kija was silent, anger and sadness clear in his eyes. The others understood. They already knew, but this just confirmed it, if Yoon's behaviour wasn't clear enough.

"Is he alright?"

"He's asleep."

"That's good. Did he respond to you at all?"

"No... nothing."

"..."

"Maybe we should lay him down."

The last suggestion pushed everyone into motion. Yoon stirred when Hak stood up, blinking blearily when he was placed on his bedroll. Jae-ha gently pushed him down onto the soft fabric.

"Go back to sleep kid."

Yoon allowed himself to be laid down, turning into his side and curling up as Jae-ha placed a thick, warm blanket over him. He still held Shin-ah's hand and was relieved when the older boy made no attempt to pull away. Zeno sat behind him, still stroking his back and then, he slowly drifted off back into a fitful sleep.

As Yoon's eyes closed and his breaths evened out, Zeno sat back and then looked at Kija. As if thinking the same thing, Jae-ha, Shin-ah and Hak too turned to look at the white dragon warrior. Their expressions were clear. They wanted to know exactly what had happened. Kija sighed, sitting down near the sleeping Yoon.

"Ik-soo... he was already... gone when I reached them.", he grimaced as he said the words and the others couldn't quite hold back a wince either.

"Two of those... men were there. Yoon didn't even notice them. Or he didn't bother. They would've killed him.", he looked understandably, extremely upset at the thought.

"I hope you dealt with them properly.", Jae-ha said darkly, his voice unusually venomous. Hak nodded in agreement and Shin-ah grunted, still holding Yoon's hand. Zeno and Yona kept their anger in check better than their companions but it still burned beneath the surface. Kija barked out a humourless laugh.

"They didn't live to regret it I assure you."

Then more quietly, with the desperation of a man who had no clue how to fix something that he really wanted to but had no power over, "I've never seen him like this. I don't know what to do. We can't fix this." The last statement was resigned.

There was silence for a long time. Finally, Zeno spoke up, "We should tend to our injuries and then rest for a while. He'll need us tomorrow."

There was a soft murmur of agreement and soon all injuries, luckily minor, had been dealt with and everyone had quickly settled down. Yona lay down beside Yoon, wrapping her arms around the boy, hoping to somehow comfort him even in his sleep. Shin-ah, with his hand still held lightly in Yoon's grip lay down on Yoon's other side. Ao snuggled up next to Yoon's head. It was as if the little squirrel had realised that something was wrong with the little human child. Shin-ah cracked a rare smile. Ao always did try to make people feel better. It'll be alright, he silently promised the boy next to him. We'll all be here for you, was his final thought before sleep claimed him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! Please review!

**Author's Note:**

> Please leave me a review!


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